I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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