and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
