I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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