Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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