I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
