I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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