Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
