I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
