Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
