I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
