So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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