Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
