Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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