how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
