My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
