I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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