a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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