I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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