Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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