she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
