I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
