He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
