My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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