Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
