first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
