If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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