I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
