Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
