Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
