I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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