no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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