when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
