no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize