She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
