You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
