hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
