We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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