did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
