so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
