He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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