Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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