After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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