So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
