The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
