Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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