you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
