my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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