Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
