my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's never too late to be topless.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
