I need to stop coming to work sober
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
